Secrets
by cherrymelle
Summary: Yaoi RoyXEd Roy and Ed are in a romantic relationship which will turn sour because of too many secrets. Beware of SPOILERS COMPLETE Deathfic
1. Smelly Secrets

TITLE: Secrets (part 1)

FANDOM: Fullmetal Alchemist

PAIRING: Roy/Ed

RATING: PG-13

WARNING: Not really for now except spoilers for the entire series. Beware it will turn angsty.

DISCLAIMER: Fullmetal Alchemist and its characters aren't mine but this story is.

SUMMARY: Maes discovered along his years in the military that knowing things about people gave him an invaluable advantage.

Smelly secrets

From some time, Maes was smelling something fishy. That was his job sniffing around, that's what he did and he did it well. He may not be able to snap or transmute things like say, his arm in a blade, but he could smell secrets. It may seem a lesser talent at first glance, but Maes discovered along his years in the Military that knowing things about people gave him an invaluable advantage. He never regretted choosing Intelligence over Alchemy. Moreover, his career choice was so much better for his health than that of some of his friends. He was never on the front lines and probabilities were that he would live a very long life which was good to be able to watch his adorable Elysia growing up.

What was disconcerting with the smell this time was that he was sniffing it not "for" Roy Mustang but "from" him. He had noticed various little discrepancies in his friend's attitude, the most frightening being the dramatic decrease in his dates frequency. He had some suspicions that there was a new someone, maybe even a serious someone in Roy's life. What tipped him off on a more darker secret however, was the lack of comment from the man. For one, Roy wasn't known to be discrete on date-materials and Maes doubted that he was the superstitious type, wary to curse this relationship. Secondly, with years spent trying to convince him to settle down, Maes was pretty sure that, should this day finally come, he would be the first Roy would tell.

That's why he was so curious and had been gathering informations for the last month. He could have simply ask Roy but he feared the man would evade or worse lie to him, which would create a bad precedent in their friendship. Maes was used to keep some informations from Roy, but it was always for his own good and he was never entitled to the same treatment by his longstanding friend. What's more : where would have been the fun in that ? His method was way more exciting ! Still, he had been on the verge of giving up on this particular investigation and would have, if he hadn't had an unexpected and thundering breakthrough...

If Roy was unbelievably discrete on the matter, it was not the case of his love interest. And what strange love interest it was. The Fullmetal, no less ! Edward didn't tell it exactly but for people who knew him it was there plain to see, displayed on his reddening face and stuttering words when in presence of the Colonel. Now that he knew, Maes was asking himself how he could have missed it. And worse, he began to see some sense in it. Sure there was the age difference, the fraternization problem and the fact that they were both males, but once the jittery feelings were digested, he could see it. Honestly. This said, he still wanted an explanation heart to heart with Roy because even if Ed was quite the mature one, he was still fifteen and Maes wasn't sure that Roy had it all under control.

He entered Roy's office without knocking, idly wondering why the need for a door as it seemed that everyone let themselves in without ever waiting for permission. He amused himself observing the seemingly serious pose of his friend, pen in hand and head bent on paperwork, features frowning in exaggeratingly obvious concentration. That was for show, he knew, for the purpose of convincing Hawkeye that he was working should she be the person intruding. As if to confirm his suspicions, Roy pushed the paperwork away as soon as he had identified his visitor by an inconspicuous glance. The frown disappeared instantly and gave place to the usual pleased smirk.

"Maes ! To what do I owe the pleasure ?"

"Well I have these new photos of Elysia which I could simply not keep for myself..."

Maes heard quite clearly the desperate groan escaping Roy and his grin widened. He was honestly very proud of his daughter but the main reason he took such pleasure in displaying her photos album was to satisfy his sadistic tendencies. Nothing delighted him more than the "deer in headlights" looks of his victims when he shoved them the dreaded books out of thin air. He savored the wary but resigned horror of his friend for some, time while describing in wondrous details each photographs. The torture would end when he would think Roy had had enough, or when he would have decided on the best way to broach the subject he came to discuss, whichever came first. His most unusual brand of amusement had the added benefit to be an excellent ice-breaker. He had noticed early on the game that after a decently long "photo session" people tended to be desperate enough to do anything to change the subject, including spilling their guts on matters they had absolutely not planned to discuss.

"So Roy, how long ago did you begin sleeping with Edward Elric ?"

With the likes of Roy, the frontal assault was usually the better one, especially when he already had this hunted expression. Maes, however hadn't foreseen the reaction he would get. All colors seemed to drain from his friend's face. Roy stayed frozen and eerily silent for so long that Maes was tempted to slap him to confirm that the man was still breathing. Finally, much to his relief, Roy seemed to shake himself from his stupor and narrowed his eyes before speaking.

"That is not of your concern Hughes."

"I expected something better from you Roy. Won't you even try to deny it ?"

"I fail to see what the point would be in that. If you came all the way here to ask me, it's because you are sure of your facts. So I don't see what more I could tell you. Where I'm concerned, you already know too much."

"Now, now, Roy I am not here to scold you or to annoy you, no need to be defensive. I was just concerned and I would be a poor friend if I didn't worry about you. However you see it, it seems a pretty big thing to me, I can't help but be concerned."

"I am perfectly fine and I assure you that it is really no big deal.'

"No big deal ? Hmmm... Must I remind you of the numerous reasons why your enemies and mostly everyone who would learn of this would consider it a big deal ?"

Roy appeared meditative for some time but his gaze finally cleared and set on Maes. He seemed to evaluate the trustworthiness of his friend and to ponder how much to tell him. He finally seemed to reach a decision and Maes let out a breath of relief when it was the one he had hoped for. For a moment there he had feared that Roy would not trust him enough which would have been quite damaging for their friendship.

"There is no way that my enemies, as you put it would learn of this as we have been much discrete. You discovered it only because you are really good and because you know us both well. Ed hasn't -and will not- tell anyone, not even his brother, I am myself quite aware of the need for secrecy and I trust your ability to keep a secret where it matters. So, that's a moot point."

That was presented logically and it was clear that Roy had looked into this matter ahead of time. There was still a chance that, through studious observations or even dumb luck, someone happened to learn of this, but this wasn't more dangerous than their usual plot for turning Roy into the new Fuhrer. Well, at least Maes was glad to see that his friend hadn't walked blindly in this relationship. Yet, the Lieutenant Colonel couldn't shake the uneasiness creeping on him since Roy's affirmation of it being "no big deal". With a pointed look, he waited for a more detailed explanation. Roy sighed quite audibly but seeing that Maes wasn't to be deterred, he got on.

"Listen Maes, some things just happen... We were lonely, we needed comfort, so we took it from the closest available source. Just two men enjoying each other company without complication. It could have been a one time thing but somehow we pursued it. I know Edward is young, but he is not a child anymore. No human with a past as his can be considered a child... I am probably not the best person to tell the good from the bad but this... I think it is good for the both of us, for the time being we need that. I know what I am doing and I can assure you that I didn't coerce Fullmetal into anything. He came in this quite willingly. That's all I can tell you for now."

Hughes tried to take in all that Roy was saying but some things didn't seem to add. For example, after four years of observing Edward and his somewhat unique way of attacking each and every situation head-on and with a determination bordering on stubbornness and an earth-shattering passion, Maes had a difficult time imagining him in a relationship "without complication". He would need to talk to the boy to confirm his suspicions –and he would need to stop referring to him as a "boy", because that way of thinking would made a pedophile of his friend and he wouldn't have that.

"As a matter of fact, I can see how this could be good for you. Both of you, I mean. Ed is far too tense, since far too long and he need to let go sometimes. Moreover you need him. He is a really valuable ally for you..."

"I don't see..."

"Oh yes you do. That is why you recruited him when he was just a brat. We needed someone like him on the team. Someone to do the dirty job and to be the center of attention. But I for one think that he has more potential than that. So, I guess that furthering your relationship could become a great asset. If you haven't done it yet, you should let him on the big picture, he could surprise you."

"He's too young, this is too big..."

"A minute ago he was old enough, you seem confused my friend."

"You know what I mean Maes. That is exactly like you said, he is the center of the attention, he is too ... wild for this kind of things. He is not suited for Politics. He would bow to no-one and would disgrace all of us by one too many insult."

"You don't give him enough credit for someone pretending to know of his maturity. What's more Roy, you shouldn't forget that if you want to be the kind of Fuhrer we will all respect, that is not the approval of the military ranks you should pursue but that of the people."

"I know that !"

"Do you ? You, your devoted subordinates and I know of your intentions but for the people, you are the symbol of all they loath. Even if no-one did more for them, in the eyes of the commoners you are just one more ambitious officer. Edward, however, is their hero and rightfully so. You shouldn't forget it Roy."

"I won't Maes, I won't."

Maes would have pursued the matter but Roy appeared tired, wary even so he let it drop, for now. He had the answers he had came to seek, most of them anyway. He didn't want to risk entering a conflict with Roy. After all the man was his friend and even if he really was a jerk sometimes, Maes was willing to make some concessions. He still promised himself to monitor the following events with the utmost care and to have a lengthy conversation with Ed as soon as he came back from Dublith. Little did he knew that he wouldn't ever see the Fullmetal again and that his talent to uncover secrets would be his downfall...


	2. Dirty Secrets

TITLE: Secrets (part 2)

FANDOM: Fullmetal Alchemist

PAIRING: Roy/Ed

RATING: PG-13

WARNING: Slight angst and beware of the spoilers for the entire series.

DISCLAIMER: FMA and its characters aren't mine but this story is.

SUMMARY : Four years and not a single date, not a single public appearance, not a single plan for the future, nor a single heartfelt confession. For all and every purposes they could just be mere fuck-buddies.

Dirty secrets

Ed was familiar with secrets. He was somewhat of an expert in this particular field. Since the day his mother died, he had had to keep a bunch of them, uncovered even more and basked in a frightening number. Even now that his brother was fully restored, he was still privy of many. It didn't really faze him anymore. He supposed it should, as he still remembered a time when he had been utterly honest and had despised all form of lies. When his most cynical, he took calculating his age not in term of years but by the accumulated vices gained since his latest birthday. Lying always scored fairly high. But for all the secrecy needed in his life, he had never seen himself as being a secret. Someone else's secret. Roy's dirty secret...

For someone supposed to be a genius, he could be unbelievably slow on the uptake. He really didn't know how he could have missed something this big. From the beginning of their relationship, the need for secrecy had always been an important point and he never contested it. He made himself believe in every reasons Roy told him. They were fairly logical at that. Military would condemn them because of the fraternization part, friends and families would scorn them because of the age difference and society would ostracize them because they were both male. Yes all of that was completely logical.

Admittedly, in the beginnings, all of that had held true. He had been fifteen, Roy and himself had been in really precarious positions within the Military and, with how the country was being governed, people had been pretty narrow-minded. Only, that had been four years ago. Nowadays, with the ends of conflictual times, liberties were gained each day. If homosexuality was still somewhat frowned upon, it wasn't anymore the taboo it had been. Moreover, Ed was of age since an entire year and if the age difference hadn't diminished, evidently, he was now legally considered free to choose whoever he wanted to date. Even the Military wasn't an obstacle anymore. Roy being a General and himself a Colonel, fraternization rules didn't apply to them in the same ways. And yet, their relationship was still being kept a secret.

That had begun to really bother him only recently. It was at the occasion of his brother's wedding. Roy had been on the guests list, of course and Ed hadn't seen what that would implied till the big day. A famous General like Mustang, what's more one with his Casanova's reputation, couldn't decently attend such an event without a date. Yet, Ed hadn't foreseen that. He had felt shocked and unreasonably furious at the appearance of his lover trailing a fragile brunette after him. Edward himself was supposed to be Scieska's date for the evening but it was mostly because she was Winry's bridesmaid and he was Al's best-man. She wasn't really his date-date as everyone would consider Roy's.

Ed knew that Roy still dated women. It had been one of the conditions for the continuation of their relationship. Roy had told that even if he didn't sleep with his dates anymore, retiring from the date scene altogether would be far too much out of character for him and grant him unwanted attention with the risk to reveal their particular relationship. Ed had accepted this explanation and tried his best to not let it bother him. That didn't change the fact that Roy was faithful where it matters. What was the importance of a few dates against long passionate nights of wild sex ?... nothing really... really. Moreover, it wasn't like Roy was flouting these dates in his face. No, the man was fairly discrete in this, as in everything he did. And as Edward still wasn't one for attending social gatherings and formal events, in spite of his new prestigious rank, Al's wedding was truly the first time he found himself in such an uncomfortable place as to witness his lover making goo-goo eyes to someone else.

He hadn't confronted Roy on the matter as he wouldn't be caught dead going in hysterics like some weak woman. That didn't prevent him from being jealous. Following this day, he began to reevaluate his relationship with Roy, and he didn't like what he found one bit... Four years, it had been four years that they had tumbled in bed together and done the nasty, and since then, their relationship didn't seem to have changed in the least. They still had petty arguments merely for show, they still had lengthy conversations on serious matters when no-one was listening and they still clung to each other like there was no tomorrow while having fantastic orgasms, but that was all. Four years and not a single date, not a single public appearance, not a single plan for the future, nor a single heartfelt confession. For all and every purposes they could just be mere fuck-buddies. Were they ?

For all his expertise in secrets, in matter of relations, Ed was a beginner. Roy was the only lover he ever had, so it seemed only logical for him to take the teachings of the more experienced man and let him lead the show. That didn't mean he had been passive or indifferent but merely that he was generally unsure of himself and afraid of doing something wrong. That was the reason why he never told Roy that he loved him. Roy never having uttered such a confession, Ed naturally concluded that two men in a relationship weren't supposed to get overly sentimental. He never even had thought for a moment that Roy could not share his feelings. Even if the General never confessed his love in words, it was there plain to see in every hot kisses, in every maddening caresses, in every breathless moans and every tender cuddles. That was what Ed had always thought, but now he was caught in a fearful doubt. Was it possible that Roy had this same attitude with all of his sex partners and wasn't as committed as Ed in this ?

Ed thought of all of this for quite a while and after some time, he came to the conclusion that he would have to take actions. If he really wanted to have a bigger part in Roy's life it would fall on him to take the matter in his own hands. General Mustang was an important man and as such, a real busy one. He was still working to become the new Fuhrer and this particular goal was becoming closer each day. That unfortunately implied that he had an awful lot of things to do, people to meet, hands to shake and functions to attend. These last points weren't Edward's strongest ones, as he was much more used to wandering the country righting all the wrongs he could. Still he was not more of an idiot than most of people and he had learned along the years that some social skills could prove useful. He also knew that when determined, nothing was impossible for him, as he had proved on numerous occasions. His goal would be to become the social partner of one Roy Mustang as he was sure that his presence in the man's vicinity would be an asset. His hidden purpose in that was evidently to replace the women surrounding Roy unnecessary when a much more suited ally was available.

However, Ed was aware that gaining this level of trust from Roy would take time. That was why, he gave himself first a much easier goal. Before invading the man's social life he decided to invade his private one. He had always found Roy's house ridiculously grand for a single man and had said so more times he cared to count. He himself lived in a luxurious apartment in Central and, if he could easily afford it with the salary generously allowed to him by the Military, it was clearly an unnecessary expense. It would make much more sense for the both of them to share accommodations. He said so to Roy while they were basking in the afterglow, suggesting without beating around the bushes that he wanted to move in with Roy.

"So you see Roy, with me always being on the roads -what with all the stupid missions you give me- my apartment is nearly always empty. And even when in town, I spent more time here than in my own bed. My apartment is no more then an overgrown closet. It would be much more simple that I bring all my stuff in here and make my moving in official."

Ed hadn't exactly expected the man to give in immediately, after all he was known to make even the simplest things overly complicated, but he sure as hell hadn't expected such a reaction. Roy had stopped his hand which had been leisurely caressing Ed's stomach and abruptly sat himself shoving his lover away in the fast motion. He was now staring the little blond as if saying "are you completely insane Fullmetal ?". Edward was dumbstruck and suddenly very scared.

"What, pray tell, gave you such a ridiculous idea ? How should we explain to people that two men who seems to hate each other guts since day one, have decided, out of the blue, to live together ?"

"Yeah well... we don't really hate each other. That's just for show. People will be surprised of course but they will get used to it."

"I can't decently become Fuhrer if I am living with another man, a much more younger man than myself at that. My Persona must be beyond reproach. And if you think your apartment is an unnecessary expense, you should move in with your brother and his wife in Rizenbool. They would be delighted I'm sure and it is not like your presence is often required in Central. After all you are a free agent for the military. As you put it, you're always on the run anyway. You would just have to come in here from time to time to give a report."

Edward had sudden difficulties to breath. Surely Roy couldn't mean that. He couldn't dismiss him simply like that. He couldn't think that Ed would move back to Rizenbool and be happy seeing his lover every other day. That was nonsense. Roy would miss him if he did something so stupid. The man would be all alone. Surely he hadn't say that seriously, that was a joke, that had to be a joke...

"...But Roy, what of us ? I mean you and I wouldn't see much of each other if I lived in Rizenbool and..."

"That could be a good thing Fullmetal. As it is you take far too much of my time and I of yours I'm sure. This thing went on much longer than I thought it would. Sure it was a pleasant arrangement while it lasted but it isn't like it could go on forever. We both knew that. It is past time for me to begin thinking of marriage, as much as I really don't want to contemplate that. As for you, you should seriously consider getting a girlfriend. What of this girl whom with you were for your brother's wedding ? Scieska is it ? She is kinda cute. Didn't she work for the military at some point ?"

"Scieska ?... Ye... Yes she did, but not anymore. She is Al's assistant now, but she's just a friend, I never..."

"Well if she is not your type, no need to dwell on it. Maybe you'd go for more exotic looks. Your other friend Rose would be perfect in this case. It sure could be difficult with her kid but she's beautiful enough to bypass that problem I suppose."

Ed felt like he was sinking in a nightmare. He refused to think about the fact that his lover, the man whom he was desperately in love with and had been faithful and devoted for four years was suggesting him potential girlfriends. That was far too surreal.

"That is not the problem Roy I am not interested in girls. I am interested in..."

"...boys ? You shouldn't ! It sure can be amusing for a while but that is not how the world works. Men are meant to be with women. You will have a far easier time if you understand that now, believe me. And you haven't even yet tried women so you can't really tell that you don't like it. You are an handsome young man after all, women will all fall in love with you if you just give them a chance. I am sure you could have even more success than I ever had."

Ed hadn't mean that he was interested in boys but in Roy, only in Roy. But while earing the opinion his lover had on same sex relationships, he wondered if he wouldn't have been horrified had he managed to end his statement. He was beginning to think that Roy and himself didn't share a secret relationship, but that he, Ed, was Roy's dirty secret. The man seemed to be ashamed of him. Foolish or not, Ed was now really contemplating going in hysterics, but would it help anything ? He had just witnessed how the love of his life was viewing their relationship and that sure wasn't a pretty sight. How could their feelings be so far apart ? Was he always just a game for Roy while he himself had given it his all ? Had he lived the past years in a carefully created illusion ? Had he deluded himself in believing he was in love when he was just experimenting his sensuality with a willing but detached partner ? But if so, why was he feeling so hurt, like something was ripping his heart in shreds since Roy had evoked the possibility of him marrying some other woman ?

There should have been words to be uttered, explanations to be demanded, arguments to be given. But Ed had been rendered speechless by the easy dismissal of the sole concerns he had managed to communicate. The silence was growing uncomfortable and Roy had begun to fidget. That was something that had always amused him that Roy for all his confidence seemed invariably upset when in presence of a silent Ed. It was as if he feared that his lover was scheming an evil prank at his expense or something. Back in the days, way before they became lovers, that had often been the case, except when he was simply depressed, and Roy seemed to have kept the habit. Yet today his lover's uneasiness didn't amuse Edward, it frightened him instead. Even more when Roy left the bed and began putting his clothes together.

"What are you doing ?"

Ed winced at the hesitancy in his voice. That was pathetic, he sounded like he was going to burst in tears anytime now. He hadn't stuttered in presence of Mustang since those embarrassing first weeks of sexual discoveries when he was fifteen. Roy didn't turn and finished putting his clothes on before responding in his ever smooth yet authoritative voice.

"I have an early appointment Fullmetal and as fun as this little morning roll was, I can't risk being late. I expect you to lock the door behind you and assure yourself that no-one see you leaving my house. I think it would be better if we didn't see each other for a while. You have some vacancy time coming. Take it. You should go to Rizenbool, it would be the occasion to arrange new accommodations there. Goodbye Fullmetal."

And that was it. Roy walked out of his life like he hadn't taken the biggest place in it for years and Edward didn't even make a move to stop him. He stayed there frozen and uncomprehending, sure that he should be doing something but not knowing what. Dumped, he had been dumped, that was too unexpected a thing for him to come around.

Later he would probably questioned his reaction. While picturing himself in such a situation, he would have probably imagined himself raving and shouting, badmouthing Roy, throwing the tantrum to end all tantrums, or even bashing the bastard's face in before destroying all his things. That is how most people knowing him would have expect him to react when confronted with such a situation. But instead, he had stayed unmoving and silent while his entire world had crumbled around him. He had watched Roy go and he hadn't even cried. It could have been because he had matured more than he thought and that he had decided to take it like a man and not like some crybaby. But in fact it was simply that it was too big and that he needed to let the shock pass him by. Later... later when the world would have restarted itself, he would have a healthy reaction to all of this.

Slowly, like in a daze, Edward got up and gathered his scattered clothes before promptly dressing. He needed to go back to his apartment to pack if he had to catch a train for Rizenbool today. Before that he decided rounding Roy's house to pick up the stuff which had piled up along the years. There were incredibly few. Some clothes, a handful of books, a hair-tie, a hairbrush and that was all. Not even enough to fill a suitcase, less than he had carried around when he was traveling with his brother. It was sad to be able to summarize four years with so little. He hadn't even had his own toothbrush in this house. Roy never had bought him one and had never protested when he used his. Looking back he should have seen it as a sign. The only reason why he had brought a hairbrush was because Roy had only possessed a comb and he liked to brush Edward's hair once in a while.

Once Edward had gathered all his meager belongings, he rolled them in his much used red coat and left the house. He honestly forgot to be inconspicuous when exiting, but he thought of locking the door before letting the spare key in the letterbox. That had been an other clue that in four years, Roy never gave him a spare key, making him knock on the door whenever he came and only allowing him to use the spare the time to lock the door after him, before returning it.

He went back to his apartment with the same apathetic feeling which had descended upon him since Roy chased him out of his life. He packed mechanically and went to the station. Still the world hadn't restarted. He sat heavily in the train to Rizenbool and thought confusedly that he should be getting angry now, or sad, anything... But he wasn't, he was just too numb for now, he didn't have the force even to respond to the teenagers mocking his size two benches behind his. He just had to go to Rizenbool like Roy had said. Al would know what he should do, he always knew this kind of things. He was the clever Elric, the one with a good head on his shoulders, not a foolish boy like himself. Yeah, Al would do what was needed, Ed couldn't, he was just too numb.


	3. Dreamy Secrets

TITLE: Secrets (part 3)

FANDOM: Fullmetal Alchemist

PAIRING: Roy/Ed, Hawkeye/Havoc, Hawkeye+Roy

RATING: PG-13

WARNING: Slight angst, some language, maybe spoilers.

DISCLAIMER : Fma and its characters aren't mine but this story is.

SUMMARY : When the newly appointed First Lieutenant finally exited Mustang's office some time later, she was expecting heavy burns or some singed hair at the least, but certainly not the dumbfounded expression he wore.

"The General gave me his "black book" !"

Dreamy secrets

General Mustang was in a foul mood. In the beginning, it had been really fun. Riza had enjoyed watching her colleagues cowering in fear each time the man looked like he was going to snap. Pity that she wasn't the kind of gal to show her mirth. However, after an entire month in these conditions, and all available workers in hiding, paperwork had begun to pile up and Riza wasn't amused anymore. The frightening part was that, unlike everyone, Mustang wasn't dodging work. He had dutifully completed each assignment she gave him without the slightest protest. That was unprecedented and had her pretty shell-shocked. Sadly, even with his all too new zeal, there was so much the General could do by himself. Riza knew for some time that she would have to pacify her superior if she wanted her team and its productivity back. She would miss this hardworking Roy, but he was beginning to grate on even her solid nerves.

She would have wondered what had caused such a bad mood if she didn't know the man so well. There had only be another time some years ago when he had appeared so furious. She remembered it very well and was glad that, at the time, they had been out of Central. Then, he had been ordered to arrest Fullmetal and the boy hadn't come to him for assistance. As it seemed like the oldest Elric was the only person with such an impact on the General, it was easy to guess that it also had something to do with him this time around. She had guessed that they had been in an argument and that Mustang needed to vent. Nothing much to worry about.

At least, that was what she had been thinking before Fullmetal resignation landed on her desk, coming all the way from Rizenbool. Now, she was worried, really worried, near frantic even. Throughout the years, Edward had often threaten with his resignation when things didn't go his way, but not anymore, not for a very long time. And with the kind of relationship Mustang and Elric were sharing, a resignation could only mean one thing. The General had been dumped. He was probably devastated and his show of temper was only a clever way to put on a brave face. Riza was looking for a way to show the proud man her support without offending him...

"...SAY WHAT !"

That outburst had come from the General's office and Riza idly wondered if it had been such a good idea to send Havoc fish for informations in the lion's den. She was expecting the fireworks anytime now... Poor Jean, she had told him to try and be subtle with his inquiry. So much for that plan. When the newly appointed First Lieutenant finally exited Mustang's office some time later, she was expecting heavy burns or some singed hair at the least, but certainly not the dumbfounded expression he wore.

"The General gave me his "black book" !"

"EXCUSE ME !"

Riza wasn't angered easily and was used to keep her cool in every situations, but there was no way that she would take such an announcement from her boyfriend with calm. She felt her carefully constructed blank facade crumble and saw red. Jean had dreamed to put his claws on that ... thing forever, but he wasn't single anymore. He was now in a healthy relationship with her and she wouldn't have him in the vicinity of such a temptation. What had Mustang been thinking ? She would kill them both...

"Huh ? ... Ah ! No ! Not at all Riza ! It's not what you think. I didn't accept the book I swear. I don't need this kind of thing when I've already got the best woman ever."

The First Lieutenant was visibly desperate to placate his girlfriend, probably afraid –and justifiably so- to be shot. Hawkeye studied him a while but finally conclude that tremors and sweat were resulting from nerves and not from insincerity. That probably saved his life. Seeing Riza going back to normal, Havoc let out a sigh of relief.

"So what I was saying is that Mustang wanted to give me his "black book", but that was not my point. The strangest part is the reason why. Did you know that the General was getting married ?"

"I beg your pardon !"

"Yeah that also was my reaction."

"That's not ... well, how... Edward isn't..."

"I really don't understand why you keep bringing Fullmetal in. How could my getting married concern him in anyway ? I am sorry Hawkeye for the way you learned of this. I never came around to tell you. The decision was taken fairly recently."

Roy's sudden appearance had made them both start but not so much than his lack of concern for Fullmetal's say in all of that. Had the man lost his mind ?

"It certainly is surprising Sir. Can I ask you who the bride may be ?"

"Of course Major Hawkeye, it is not a secret. I think you met her before, it's Belinda Ascott, she's the daughter of the Prime Minister."

"Ah... I see. I guess I should congratulate you then."

"Thank you Hawkeye."

Riza and Jean couldn't stop themselves from staring at their General as if he had grown a second head. Understandably ill-at-ease, he mumbled some half-assed excuse and went back in his office, locking after him. Riza stood frozen for some time, till Havoc's voice interrupted her wondering.

"Am I the only one finding all of this really strange ?"

"I received Edward resignation on Monday. I was thinking that he had left Mustang."

"The Boss ? Leaving the General ? That's ridiculous ! For all the arguments they have, the kid is convinced that the sun rises and sets on the bastard's ass. I never saw someone so madly in love. He would never leave him !"

"But that would mean that the General had dumped Edward... That would be bad... really bad."

She took a moment to think of how Fullmetal would react to such news and the mere thought paralyzed her. Havoc seemed to be thinking along the same lines as his face drained of all colors, his cigarette hanging, forgotten, on his frowning lips. They needed to know what exactly had happened and Riza prayed that their fears were unfounded.

"Jean, could you go see Breda, Farman, Fury, Armstrong and every other person you could think of to know if they heard of anything ?"

"Yes Madam !"

Havoc saluted smartly and exited the office, visibly relieved to have something to do. For once in her life Riza wasn't feeling like working. She was far too worried to concentrate on anything as trivial as paperwork.

She had known Roy Mustang for what felt like forever and she had been in love with him for almost as long. When she had met him, she had been a shy and naive cadet and she had been attracted to the man like a moth to a flame. Quite foolish if you asked her now. Like the alchemist's title he wore had predicted, she burned herself on him. He had always been an inconsiderate jerk towards her. So utterly oblivious to her desperate devotion that it wasn't even funny. Always flaunting his dates to her face, always letting her make the arrangements for said dates, and having her send flowers to the lucky lady of the day... The lucky lady who was never herself. She had always taken all that came her way, never protesting his evident dismissal, never even saying anything.

She didn't really remember when she became so bitter that she stopped hoping he would ever notice her. But that time came, of course. Even then, she never let him down. She sucked on her disappointment and desperation, and stayed by his side, always the faithful sidekick. Looking back, she was somewhat ashamed of herself. Indeed such dedication should force respect, but nobody should be so self effacing as to let themselves be treated as a doormat. She had been content with every scraps of his attention. His respect, his trust, his friendship, anything had been enough. Almost.

There had been a time, some years ago, when a new hope had risen. Roy had suddenly looked more mature, more settled, and generally appeared to glow. She had guessed, with reason, that he was in love and foolishly hoped that he had finally noticed her. That had been a major let-down when she learned the truth. But once the anger past, all had begun to make sense. What better choice for such an exceptional individual as Roy than one as exceptional as he. The age or gender of this very unique person was not even a question. Edward Elric was so luminous, so fiery that it was only logical that he and the Flame Alchemist were paired off.

It probably would have been easier if Riza could have scorn or despised her rival. But she couldn't. No-one in their right mind could hate Edward. Sure the kid could be aggravating at times, but he had a truly beautiful soul. You couldn't meet the infamous Fullmetal without being awed by his vibrancy, without coming to respect his spirit. He was so lovable that he had grown on her without her even realizing it. Somehow, it had soften the blow that, out of anyone, it had been him. Riza knew she couldn't compete, so she had gave up. It still made her sad at times but she never had regretted it. She had had a long time to observe how good they were for each other and how happy they were. It was enough.

It took some time, but she slowly begun to forget and to notice the other men whom had pined over her, while she was so caught in Roy. One day, Havoc had invited her for dinner and she had accepted, not knowing whom of the both of them had been more surprised. Her late mother would have said that she could do better. Maybe she could, but if "better" was someone akin to Roy Mustang, she was glad of her choice. Jean may be less handsome than Roy or have a lower rank, but her criteria had radically changed along the years. She had come to value his easy-going personality, his rakish charm and above all his reliability. Every time she had been down, lost in her hopeless love for Mustang, he had been there to pick her up and make her smile. That was all what was needed. Foolish girls dream of dangerously sexy officers but when they grow up, they marry the boy next door and are happy.

However, finding happiness hadn't made Riza stupid. She was still in possession of all her mental capacities, thank you very much. That was precisely why she couldn't understand how her commanding officer could be getting married with some woman coming from out of nowhere. Roy and Edward were the perfect couple. They had been meant to be from day one and, even if Riza wasn't exactly a romantic, she had looked forward to watch them grow old together. So, how the hell could have they broken up ? They never had advertised their relationship, apparently jealous of their intimacy. Their love was still brilliant enough for everyone around to be blinded. All of their closest friends had always been amused by their gentle bickering, warmed by their tender glances and simply made content to witness such a true love.

Knowing all that, the recent events didn't make much sense and Riza was beginning to think that something was really wrong. If she hadn't known for sure that the shape-shifting homunculus had died some years ago, she would have been tempted to believe he was impersonating Mustang. Because if Roy really was the one guilty of dumping Edward and proposing to another woman, Riza would have to make true of her past threats and shoot him... And pigs would be flying soon.


	4. Dreary Secrets

TITLE: Secrets (part 4)

FANDOM: Fullmetal Alchemist

PAIRING: Roy/Ed, Al/Winry, Hawkeye/Havoc,

RATING: PG-13

WARNING: Slight angst, some language, spoilers for all the series.

DISCLAIMER: FMA and its characters aren't mine but this story is.

SUMMARY : Alphonse guessed that no-one dating Edward would have ever met his approval, as whoever it was, he would feel like they were stealing his brother away from him.

Dreary secrets

When Scieska had called from the station, one month ago to tell him that Ed had just arrived in Rizenbool, Alphonse had been happy. Since his brother had chosen to stay and live in Central, they didn't see each other as much as he would like. When she told him that someone needed to pick him up, as she didn't think he could come by himself, he had been a little worried. He had guessed that his incorrigible brother had busted his automail one more time. He had suggested as much to Winry who had been listening in, close by. His wife had begun to rave, as was her way, but he knew that she was also glad that Ed had come back home, no matter how much work she would have to do on his automail limbs. But when he finally saw his brother, curled up on a bench at the station, Scieska hovering around him with a near frantic expression, he had been scared shitless.

He had fastened his pace, expecting to find Ed covered in blood, but what he finally saw in his brother was way worse than what he had feared. In all the years they had traveled together on their quest for the Philosopher's Stone, fought side by side, and generally seen and done things that no kid should even have to suspect, ever, he had never seen his brother like that. Edward Elric was a force to be reckoned with. Al had always thought that he had an unbreakable spirit. No matter what life throw at him, nothing or no-one seemed to be able to bring him to his knees.

Alphonse knew he had grown a severe case of hero worship for his brother, but he had good reasons for it. He had seen him at his worst more times he cared to count. He had been desperate after their mother's death, mangled after their stupid attempt at human transmutation, outraged after Tucker's chimera had been killed, terrified after his confrontations with Barry and Scar, guilty as hell after failing at making the Philosopher's Stone when he learned what the prize was. But nothing had ever broken him. He had always just picked himself up, like it had been a minor set back, given his little brother a reassuring smile and gone back to his quest with this same incredible drive which humbled everyone. Never, not in a million years, Al had expected to see him broken. The frail boy, sitting despondent in front of him like a forgotten doll, couldn't be the brilliant Fullmetal Alchemist whom had been known to go to Hell and back, without ever loosing his cockiness.

They had brought Ed back home and put him to bed like a child. The way he fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow spoke of exhaustion, so they chose to put aside their trepidation for the time being, and to wait for him to wake up and explain what could possibly had caused such a reaction. Twelve hours later, Ed hadn still to make an appearance and they all were so stressed, that Alphonse decided it was past time to invade his brother's privacy. He found him lying in the exact same position they put him in. The only thing that had changed was that his eyes were now opened, staring unseeingly at the ceiling. Al couldn't bear the sight of this still and silent Ed, it was too much out of character for the diminutive alchemist who used to speak on a never-ending flow and to fidget impatiently whenever he was expected to stay in place.

One month after the return of the prodigal son –or brother, as the case may be- nothing much had changed. No manner of prodding had granted them an explanation and the older Elric had yet to exit his room. He spoke to them, on occasions, but in a monotonous voice which was nothing like the melodious baritone they were used to hear. Most of the time, he just laid there, unmoving, dead eyes lost in some far away sight he was the only one to see. Al or Winry brought him his meals, but more often than not they stayed untouched and he had already lost some weight. Winry had bullied him in taking showers, but even that had taken some time, as he often didn't even seem to notice their presence.

Al was making himself sick with worry and his helplessness drove him up the walls. Winry felt more or less the same and she took to let the steam off by provoking Ed by every means possible. She mocked his size, gave him milk three times a day, and generally made a total nuisance of herself. Al knew she was just trying to anger Ed in the hope he would react in any way, but they still had arguments on the matter. Alphonse told her to try and show kindness for once and she reproached him to baby his brother when he needed someone to shake him. It was the stress and worry speaking for the most part, nothing to worry about, their bond was solid enough to sustain petty arguments and stupid insults thrown in the heat of things.

Yet Alphonse couldn't stop himself from wondering if it was healthy that he hadn't made love with his young wife for weeks. Not since Ed had arrived in fact. Then, Al felt guilty because it wasn't his brother's fault that Winry and him didn't have sex. He needed him more for the time being, that was all. After all, Ed had always done so much for him. Payback was long time overdue and he would give his brother whatever he would need, even if he had to neglect his wife to succeed.

For all his dedication, Al was still understandably curious as to the reason for his brother's condition. He guessed that if someone had died, he would have been informed. He knew all the people that Ed frequented in Central, so notice of their death would have eventually come to him, even all the way to Rizenbool. It was somewhat of a relief that it wasn't that, but if not, Al really didn't know what to be thinking. He wondered if maybe something had happened while his brother was on a mission and decided to write to General Mustang, certain that the man still kept close tabs on Ed when he was away. If someone knew anything, it would be him. However, when he heard him tell as much to Winry, Edward showed the most reaction since his return. He clearly forbid him to send such a letter, before going back to his usual apathy, as soon as he had secured a wary promise.

In some ways, it had more or less convinced Alphonse that he had been right and that whatever the problem was, it was related to the Military. Still, this confirmation didn't lessen his frustration in the least. The next morning, Ed had calmly given him his letter of resignation and asked him to mail it for him. Al would have demanded to be given a reason, but with the things being what they were, the Fullmetal wasn't in anyway fit for duty, so that was a moot point. What's more, Alphonse had the fleeting hope that, upon receiving this letter, the General would come marching in Rizenbool and would be able to explain all of this mess.

A letter came from Central a week later. Alphonse recognized Mustang's handwriting on the envelope and brought it to Ed's room, trying to hide his trepidation. He was sure that a message from his lover would grant some reaction in the older Elric. As he knew that his brother could take some time before noticing the letter, he decided to give him some space and privacy and went waiting in the kitchen. Nothing could have prepared him to the hair-rising wail that came from Ed's room later that day. It was a scream one wouldn't expect coming from anything human, but the desperation in it was unmistakable. Winry and Auntie Pinako, who had been working in the garden came crashing back in the house and all three of them rushed upstairs.

When they crowded in the doorstep, they stood frozen before the sight of the once proud Fullmetal Alchemist. He was tightly curled on himself, rocking back and forth while tearing his hair out. The wails hadn't stopped. Pinako had been the first to regain her senses and had taken command. The next hours had been spent trying to calm Edward, drying his tears, soothing his sobs and preventing him from hurting himself. Much later, completely exhausted, they resigned themselves to sedate him.

All of them looked like they had been in a war. Al let his tired eyes roll on the messy room which had seen a hell of a struggle, and noticed for the first time a crumpled sheet of paper on the floor. He picked it up and smoothed it out. Ed hadn't ever been coherent enough to explain them his grief, but a single glance to the paper in his hands and things became perfectly clear for Alphonse.

center i You are invited to the wedding of

Belinda Ascott and Roy Mustang

which will be held in... /center /i 

Roy Mustang was a dead man. Alphonse was shaking in silent rage and promised himself that when he would be through with the man, not even his mother would be able to identify him.

From the start, Al had had some reservations regarding Mustang and his brother's relationship. Ed was always the first to tell the General was a complete bastard, and even with his sweet nature and for everything the man had done for them, Alphonse tended to agree with him. Yet, he never showed his disapprobation as he knew that it came mostly from jealousy. He guessed that no-one dating Edward would have ever met his approval, as whoever it was, he would feel like they were stealing his brother away. Being the center of the world of someone as exceptional as the Fullmetal Alchemist was an amazing experience. For years, Ed had devoted his life to his younger brother and Alphonse had gotten used to it. Once Al had been restored in his body, Winry had been the one to tell him that he was being an egoist, that he should let his brother go and have his own life.

It had been hell, in the beginning. He missed Ed so much, he would often had to stop himself from taking the first train to Central to be reunited with him. The older Elric visited, of course, but it was never enough and Al had been pretty miserable. He finally accepted it. Winry had helped and one day, he had proposed. It had come naturally, without passionate struggle, as both had had too much of that in their young lives. He managed to be content, even without the constant presence of his brother, mostly because he knew that Ed himself was happy and didn't need him as much anymore.

He often lamented the fact that his brother didn't speak to him of his relationship. He had even feared that Ed didn't trust him enough, that he thought his little brother would scorn him for his unusual choice in a life partner. However, he knew Ed well and he knew that was his ways. He never had been one to speak his heart, always preferring to put on a brave face and keep his thoughts private. Sometimes, he even had suspected that Edward believed his relationship with the General wasn't well known. As if something this big could be kept a secret for four years, particularly when the two men concerned couldn't ever keep nor gazes nor hands off of each other. Still, Alphonse had kept silent, as everyone else, unwilling to embarrass or upset Ed when he seemed so jealous of his love life. Al was beginning to regret his past discretion. He was now finding himself without the slightest clue as to what could have gone so wrong as to destroy a love such as the one Mustang and his brother had shared.

All he was seeing was that his brother was miserable and that someone had to be blamed. Mustang better had a really good explanation for this. Because if he had willingly broken his brother's heart, Flame Alchemist or not, he would pay, dearly.


	5. Horny Secrets

TITLE: Secrets (part 5)

FANDOM: Fullmetal Alchemist

PAIRING: Roy/Ed, Al/Winry, Hawkeye/Havoc,

RATING: R

WARNING: Angst, lemony things, language.

SUMMARY : There wasn't such a thing as equivalent trade. Life was fundamentally unfair and he drank to that sad conclusion, utterly lonely on his bachelor party that no-one had attended.

Horny Secrets

It had been six weeks that Edward had left and Roy could swear he still smelt his scent in the house. Each time he went to bed, this strange combination of automail oil, vanilla shampoo, road dust and something kind of tangy permeated his nostrils, no matter how many times he had changed the bedding. It was driving him crazy. But that wasn't the worst, far from it.

Fullmetal was assaulting him in each of his senses.

There were mornings when he would see him in the mirror, leaning on his back, messy golden bangs brushing his shoulder. Each time, he would abruptly turn around to gather the smaller alchemist in his arms, and each time the ghost had already disappeared.

Often he would hear his voice, seeming a little rough from crying out Roy's name in passion. Each time he would answer it, and each time his words would be lost in the palpable silence.

Sometimes, just before falling asleep, when insomnia didn't plague him, he would feel the fleeting touch of a metal hand on his stomach, or a hot breath on the fine hairs of his neck, but when he tried to snuggle back against his lover, his bare flesh would only encounter cold sheets.

It would even happen that he woke with the taste of Edward on his tongue, like all those times when he would get to sleep without brushing his teeth, after swallowing the young man's seed. Not exactly a pleasant taste but a sweet one nonetheless.

He felt bloody haunted.

He was getting married the next day and wasn't even sure he would be able to perform for his wife on his wedding night. It would be a severe blow to his reputation if such news fell on the wrong ears. He would be the laughing stock of Central. The good thing with marrying a virgin was that she probably hadn't great expectations on bedroom matters. It didn't make him less worried. For all of his flirting, Roy hadn't had another lover since he begun sleeping with Fullmetal. He never felt the need, as Edward was more than satisfying in bed. So delectable even that he couldn't picture himself with anyone else.

How could he sleep with Belinda when all he wanted was Edward ? How could her slender hands compare with slick metal and hard calluses getting tangled in his hair ? How could her sweet curves replace muscular thighs tightening around his waist ? How could her soft belly supplant hard planes and well-defined abs stroking his cock ? How could her warm cavern sheath him like lovingly yielding burning walls ? How could her chocolate locks eclipse the sun of golden strands ? How could her tender murmurs drown harsh sighs released in the highs of passion ? How could she take Edward's place when she was nothing like him, nothing like the man he needed more than he needed the very air he breathed ?

It was all so unfair. He would never have guessed that doing the right thing would be so difficult. He had known from the start that it would end this way, but he hadn't guessed how much he would become addicted to Edward. He shouldn't have let it go on for four years. And if he was honest with himself he knew that his obsession had begun even earlier than that.

He remembered perfectly the very first time he had laid eyes on the boy who would become the infamous Fullmetal. A mangled kid seeming far much too fragile and innocent to be the one having attempted the forbidden human transmutation. Golden bangs framing delicate features. Bronze lashes, unbelievably long and thick, shadowing the pale skin of high cheekbones. Lips slightly parted around a sweet sigh slowly exhaled in sleep. He had appeared so pure and ethereal. A fallen angel worthy of being worshiped.

When he had seen him again, months later in Central, he was completely changed but no less fascinating. It was the first time Roy had been subjected to the legendary glow of the boy, the same one which would later bring him to his knees. Mustang had always considered himself as an hedonist, taking pleasure wherever it was. But here was a line he didn't want to cross. Edward had been twelve, far too young to be seduced. So he had bid his time, putting a hold on his inappropriate want and watch the young alchemist grow and mature –well not much of the former but still.

Each day Edward seemed to grow more attractive. When he finally reached fifteen, he was downright gorgeous and Roy had unlashed three years of pent-up desires and frustration. It had been on a late night at the office. They were on the middle of an argument as usual, the boy's cheeks were flushed and his golden eyes bright. Roy had never seen him more lovely than this night, beautiful as sin. Then Edward had pouted and it had been the Flame Alchemist's downfall. Before he knew what he was doing, he had latched on the unsuspecting teen and kissed him breathless.

From there it had been like a downhill spiral where each taste of the golden boy put a new shiny nail on Roy's coffin. He knew perfectly on how many levels this relationship was wrong but he couldn't stop himself. He knew that love between men couldn't ever lead anywhere. He knew that both of their careers were on the line. And above all, he knew that Edward deserved so much better than himself. However, he was already too far gone and nothing seemed powerful enough to pull him off of the man who had become his very reason for living.

The following years had been the happiest in Roy's life. He often thought that simply being near Edward was enough, as his presence alone had a warming quality that he hadn't ever encountered in anyone else. When he had been on the verge of adulthood, the vertically challenged alchemist had already been an enchanting creature, but as a man he was purely and simply a God. Roy's personal one. At least, it was what he would have liked, but losing an eye hadn't made him blind. He saw perfectly well that the mysterious Fullmetal's aura attracted, not only himself, but mostly everyone around.

Along the years, he had observed all the people Ed frequented developing a crush on him at one point or another. It had been fun. As long as the boy was his, he could be generous enough to let other people bask in his sheer vibrancy. After all, he couldn't blame them for being entranced by the same utterly lovable being whom had attracted him in the first place. However, the full realization of this phenomena had only come on Al's wedding. Roy had spent the day watching women cooing at his oblivious lover, and that had made him deliriously mad. He had wanted to grab the young man, drag him all the way back to Central and made love to him for days long to renew his ownership.

It was then that the voice of his conscience, which he had managed to silence some years ago, started to speak again. It sounded awfully like Maes, and this fact alone would have been enough to freak him out if what he said hadn't been so disturbing. Sadly, Hughes appeared to make as much sense in his head as he had, when he had been alive. He reminded him that Edward wasn't -and never had been- his, and that it was past time he let the young man go. Convincing him that he would be much happier with one of the many sweet girls flirting with him. Ed deserved someone he could love in broad daylight, someone who could give him the warmth of a home resounding with children laughs, someone who wasn't so jaded as Roy himself. He had always known that. He had enjoyed Edward as long as he could, but it was past time he released his hold on the young man. It was the right thing to do. It didn't make it any less painful.

Maes's voice had been a constant presence the following months, while he tried to find the courage to end it all. It had driven him half mad but had strengthened his often faltering resolve. He had looked for a suitable woman, one who would benefit his ambitions to become Fuhrer, thinking that if he chained himself to someone else, he would be less tempted to go back after Edward once the break-up would have been consummate. Then, had come the time to break the news to his lover. He had been cold, matter-of-fact, but for all his strength of mind, he hadn't been able to watch Edward go. He had had to turn his back to hide the shameful tears which bathed his face and leave the house, unwilling to witness the young man gathering his things.

It had been the right thing to do. So why couldn't he forget the hopeful expression on his lover's face while he explained to Roy why they should move in together... There wasn't such a thing as equivalent trade. Life was fundamentally unfair and he drank to that sad conclusion, utterly lonely on his bachelor party that no-one had attended.

He was already satisfyingly plastered when there was a knock on his door. A glance to the clock, marking nearly midnight, confirmed that, if it was a guest, he was more than fashionably late. He still hoped. No-one deserved to be alone on the night they buried all their dreams of love and happiness, not even such a bastard as himself. He hauled himself as far as the door, on not so stable legs, and unlocked the bolt.

He hadn't expected the fist coming crashing down on his face –even if he was the first to admit that he had deserved more than his fair share of punches in his thirty-five years of existence. He shake himself off the floor, on which he had landed not too gently, more for having been caught unaware than anything –even if being drunk off his ass was certainly an aggravating factor. He tried to identify his attacker through one single bleary eye end was surprised to meet the furious gray pupils of the younger Elric.

"Alphonse ! Pleasure to see you could attend, even if you are pretty late. I am afraid I already begun the party on my own. Edward isn't with you ?"

It probably wasn't the thing to say as it seemed to change the young man's anger into a blind rage. Al leaped on the collapsed General and grabbed him by his lapel before striking him another punch, much more forceful than the first one. Mustang was becoming dizzy and all these fast motions were beginning to upset his stomach. He groaned piteously and took long calming breaths, before turning a questioning face toward his furiously shaking aggressor. He could surely take a beating, but the less Alphonse could do was explain to him the reason why, as he didn't remember ever having offended the man.

"How could you do something like that ? Hadn't you hurt him enough as it is ? Sending him your wedding notice was already pretty inconsiderate, but inviting him to your bachelor party was just... hateful ! What did you expect ? That he would come celebrate with you ? That he would drink to your new found happiness ? Maybe that he would tumble a last time in your bed in memory of the good times ? How come anyone could be so heartless ?"

"Huh ?"

That wasn't admittedly the better comeback Roy could have come with, but he was trying to understand what Alphonse was talking about ? Surely, Ed wasn't stupid enough to brag about the relationship they had shared, now that it had finally ended ? Not after they succeeded in keeping it a secret for four years. And what was it with Fullmetal being hurt ?

"I don't know what you're talking about Alphonse. There is no reason why my getting married should concern Fullmetal..."

Alphonse was now looking at him like he had just lost his mind and this expression alone was enough to interrupt him. It probably wasn't the best of times to be drunk. The fuzzy feelings surrounding his brain seemed to impede his usually sharp thought process. Even with all his concentration, he didn't seem able to comprehend what had the younger Elric so worked up. What's more, if Edward was the one hurting, for whatever reason, why wasn't he the one bashing Roy's face in ? It wasn't like it hadn't been one of Fullmetal biggest goal in life, nor like he was the kind to hide behind his younger brother. He was evidently missing a crucial piece of the puzzle. Now if Alphonse would be so kind as enlightening him...

"There is no way you could think that Edward would be accepting of your wedding coming only a month after you broke a years long relationship."

"I didn't know you were aware of this thing between your brother and myself. But you have no need to worry. It was nothing more than a fling for Edward and I put an end to it before it became anything serious..."

This particular comment granted him a barely human growl from Alphonse who came plummeting on him with raging fists. Roy was glad for all the alcohol previously ingested, which now served to somewhat deaden the world of hurt he would undoubtedly find himself on the morrow. The younger Elric could sure pack a mean punch. The General idly wondered how he would explain all the bruises to his father-in-law on the following day.

Between the sharp sounds of flesh meeting flesh, Roy was sometime able to catch the litany of words –mostly insults- the young man drowned him in.

"Fucking egoist ... oblivious to people's feelings ... complete bastard ... hurting Nii-san ... damn pervert ... "a fling" he said ..." And so on.

When punches stopped raining on Roy's battered body, Al wasn't more than a flurry form behind the single eyelid which couldn't open all the way. Mustang managed to catch, through strongly ringing ears, the disgusted snort coming from the other man, before the front door slammed shut after him.

Busted lips let out a relieved sigh and Roy started on asserting the damage. He concluded that he wasn't in any condition to move and reasonably decided to stay on the floor. While waiting for sleep to come, he tried to make sense of the events which had just occurred. Even if Alphonse blamed him for seducing his brother when he had been fifteen, he had to see that Roy had done the right thing in freeing Edward.

Love between men was hopeless, as the Flame Alchemist had learned himself the hard way. He remembered again the naive young man he had been all those years ago. Unsure of himself and ignorant of the way to tell his best friend he was in love with him. He had adored Maes, with all the passion one could expect of young love. For all his doubts and hesitancy, it was a sweet feeling or it had been, until the day Maes had announced him he had met the woman he was going to marry. That had crushed all his young and foolish hopes and gave him his first important lesson in life. Men couldn't fall in love with each other, they were meant to be with women, to marry and to have kids. That was how the world worked.

Edward could have liked all the things they did together, but there fatally would have come a day when it wouldn't have been enough. He would have need things that his old male lover couldn't give him and he would have left. Roy had just sped up the process in taking the decision all by himself. After all, Fullmetal was generally so oblivious to the world around him that he needed to be made aware of the reality, as harsh should it be. Someone had to show him that he was old enough to become a part of society. Old enough to begin the search of the perfect young woman who would make him happy. Old enough to stop fooling around with bitter older men. And who better than the very man who had stolen his innocence to give him the necessary push in the right direction ?

Oblivious... There was another thing that Alphonse had said. It was the second time in less than a week that someone called him oblivious. The first time had been when Havoc had turned in his resignation, just after Hawkeye herself. The first Lieutenant had chosen to follow his girlfriend who had been promoted to her own Office. In the end, Breda had been the only one staying under his command, and Mustang suspected it was more by laziness than loyalty. All the others had gone, pretexting various inane reasons. Mostly that now that he seemed to have granted himself the support of the Parliament, with his timely betrothal to the Prime Minister's only daughter, he didn't need their meager help anymore.

The defection of his formerly loyal friends had been a severe blow. Particularly when dealt so soon after his painful parting with Edward. He had been pretty numb at the time and that was probably why he hadn't plainly understood the meaning behind the parting words of Havoc. The young man had said something about him being oblivious and about Riza not having suffered enough that the story would have to repeat itself with the Boss. Even upon reflexion, that didn't made much sense for Roy and anyway he wasn't presently in any condition to dwell on this particular mystery.

After all, what could Riza or Ed possibly know on the matters of suffering ? He was the one lying battered bloody and lonely on the cold floor of his living room. He was the one about to commit himself to a loveless marriage for the good of others ? He was the one who had to rip his own heart apart to grant the happiness of the angel he loved. Colonel Riza Hawkeye was easily climbing the Military ladder without having to sell herself, while experimenting the joy of burgeoning love with Jean Havoc. As for Edward... not content with being the exceptional person he was, he was now free from his aging and formerly clinging ex-lover, with all his life before him... How could that compare with Roy's own suffering ?


	6. Deadly Secrets

TITLE: Secrets (part 6)

PAIRING: Roy/Ed, Winry/Al, Winry Ed

RATING: R

WARNING: Angst, deathfic, some language, spoilers.

DISCLAIMER: FMA and its characters aren't mine but this story is.

SUMMARY : She didn't know when the love she had always felt for the older Elric turned into something so ugly that it couldn't be named anything else than hatred.

Deadly Secrets

When Ed had received Roy's wedding invitation, she had to use all her diplomacy –which wasn't much to begin with- to stop Al from going to Central and kill the General. She finally managed to calm him enough for him to see reason. But when, not a week later, came the invitation for the General Bachelor Party, that was the icing on the cake. There wasn't much she could do in front of Al's rage when even Granny Pinako needed to be restrained.

She was used to contain Ed's tantrums -hitting him with a wrench worked well enough. Al however, was more of a challenge because if he was angry, he usually had pretty good reasons for it. What's more, an angry Al was one really frightening sight. It was as if the younger Elric kept all his anger in, till the day he had a reason to let it burst. When it did, it was like an unstoppable hurricane. You know what they say about the quiet ones...

So, seeing the silent rage of her husband, Winry had taken the safest course of action and cleared the way. She watched him leave one more time, as she had done so many times before, and stayed behind to keep the boat afloat. She was pretty pissed herself, even if her motives were different. As always, Ed seemed to came first in Al's heart. No matter that they were married now. Alphonse hadn't even taken the time to speak to her, before leaving to revenge his fucking prodigy of a brother.

She had to stay on the sidelines, as always. It was the way things had always gone since how long she could remember. She never would be more than second best in her husband's heart. She knew it would be that way and she accepted that when she accepted to marry him. It was not so bad after all. It was still much more than she would have ever been for the Elric she was really in love with... But it was still painful sometimes to be discarded by Al like she always had been, so carelessly, by Ed.

She feared that would come a day when she would resent Al like she resented Ed, even begin to hate him. She didn't know when the love she had always felt for the older Elric turned into something so ugly that it couldn't be named anything else than hatred. She hid it, of course, like she was used to hide pretty much all the things she was really feeling. She hadn't had much of a choice. People couldn't know that she hated Edward or they would scorn her. Everyone loved him, everyone was always in awe of him, so swept away by his fucking aura, she could puke. No, she sure couldn't show her true feelings or she would loose the scraps of happiness she had saved for herself with so much work.

She couldn't even begrudge people, and Al less than anyone else, for swooning at Edward, when even her had been smitten with him at one point. However, she wasn't anymore blinded by the man's glow that she couldn't see his weaknesses. Edward was a sinner, he always had been. He was the one guilty of trapping his own brother in an unfeeling armor for years. No matter if he had ended giving him his body back, Al should still be angry with him for that. But he wasn't, and that was so unfair.

Ed was also guilty of despicable lust in her eyes. How come anyone could not see how disgusting he was to desire another man ? A much older one at that ! Even when he knew that the man had murdered Winry's parents and countless other people. In her opinion, Ed totally deserved the anguish he was now feeling. He had brought it upon himself with his unnatural relationship. And he let it go so much out of proportions ! He was such a drama queen, always had been. People were dumped everyday and they learned to deal with it without destroying themselves and everyone around them. But no, Ed had to make it in such a big deal, he had to grant himself the empathy of every witnesses. That made her sick. When he had broken her heart by leaving her alone in Rizenbool or by letting that bastard Mustang fuck him, did she flaunt her grief at everyone, sucking them all in her world of hurt ? No she hadn't. So why didn't that make her better than him ?

Two days after Alphonse's departure, Winry was working outside on the garden Granny had helped her grow. She knew Al expected her to look after his brother, but she refused to babysit Ed. That was why she felt somewhat guilty when the alchemic explosion came from the house. The last time she saw one so powerful was years ago when the brothers tried to bring Trisha back. While hurrying to Ed's room, she hoped that the young man hadn't done anything drastic as, if he had, Alphonse wouldn't ever forgive her.

When she finally reached the door and opened it, complete dread fell upon herself. She spent quite a long time staring at Ed with a strange mix of awe and horror. She finally shook herself and scanned the room for the letter she knew should be here. It didn't take long for her to find it and even less to read it. Then she began to laugh, a broken laugh just this side short of hysterical.

The fucker had the guts to pretend he did it this way so that they wouldn't have a big mess to clean after him. As if the fact he did it itself wasn't already a big enough mess to last them the rest of their life. She could quite clearly picture the following events. Al would be devastated and would try to reverse it the same exact way than all those years ago. Winry would stay alone once again, watching another Elric walk out of her life. That was priceless really.

She didn't know what her reaction should be but it seemed so fitting in a way. Edward Elric had always been such a show-off. Didn't want to make a mess ? As if he fooled her ! Suicide by self-human transmutation was showing some nerves, she had to give him that. She was able to appreciate the irony he put in this. While she had always thought that, with his looks, he should be called the Golden Alchemist instead, he was now "Fullmetal" indeed.

The worst sin Ed had always been guilty of, was pride, but this time it was ridiculous. What did he expect ? That they would exhibit his perfectly rendered statue in a museum or something, even when they knew perfectly well it was really his body ? He was still so beautiful, even in the coldness of metal. She hated and resented him so much. Really, she did. Yet, her tears continued to flow and would for a very long time.

THE END

Afterwords : I finally ended this piece and I feel somehow accomplished even if a little guilty for killing Ed. This part gave me much trouble an I am not completely satisfied with it. But I know it is mostly 'cause I have difficulties writing Winry as she annoys me more often than not.

Anyway, with this story I was aiming for a kind of study on how bad keeping secrets can turn to be. I hope I managed to make it clear. In FMA, the actual story I mean, I was always uneasy with the sheer number of secrets pretty much all the characters keep. It seems unhealthy to me. Even if I purposely exaggerated the phenomena in this story, I was trying to drive the point in. In the end, keeping too many things secret is what ruined all their life.


End file.
